I was sick again in El Salvador, a few days ago, three weeks after the first time. I went to the clinic – god bless socialized medicine! I bought the fancy insurance ($600 for the year, no copay, no deductible, $500k coverage) and haven’t even needed it.

The doctor did not seem appropriately worried about my obvious malaria infection. I guess that’s good. On the other hand, he did think I was pregnant just from looking at me – probably my beautiful glowing skin, not my chubby tummy in my pjs – so how professionally trained can he really be?

He said there are other symptoms – what they are and why they’re not listed on the internet, I don’t know. He also said there hasn’t been a case in El Salvador in years. That’s the same thing Dr Fred said about Guatemala. As if I have only been in El Salvador (or Guatemala). As if I (or any other traveler) couldn’t be Malaria Mary. That’s probably the same thing they’ll say in Suriname too. As the malaria squirts out my … nose.